“Patience and long suffering make the best training…”

This verse points to Patient Endurance, one of the Paramitas manifested by choiceless awareness.

The dictionary definition of patience is ‘the capacity to tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without becoming angry or upset’. Such a capacity seems to be in very short supply at present as online abuse, violence and unrest proliferate. Even if not personally involved in major conflict, we all at some time in our lives experience frustration, intolerance and anger. All are part of the suffering that the Buddha named as one of the three marks of existence.

Soko Morinaga Roshi once remarked that when you look at the cause of your suffering, you’ll find that you are preoccupied with trying to do what you want. Who is this you? The Buddha taught that another mark of existence is the fact that there is no ‘I’. Contrary to our belief, we are not an unchanging permanent entity. Reluctant to face up to this and thus driven by desire and hate, we spend our lives attempting to make ourselves feel secure. As Soko Roshi pointed out, we chase after what we want and strive to avoid what we dislike. However, such endeavours are doomed to fail. The Buddha’s third mark of existence teaches that not only ‘I’ am ephemeral but all phenomena are subject to constant change. Anita Brookner once wrote that this is the hardest lesson to learn.

Usually, we think of being patient as just waiting for change. Whilst we wait, we harbour the hope that the current situation will change for the better. We hope eventually that there will be fulfilment for ‘me’.

However, patience means throwing out all expectations, whether positive or negative. Patience is just being with each changing moment without any attempt to protect ourselves. Patience means to live in complete uncertainty. Ven. Myoko-ni would often exhort us to say ‘yes’ to everything. It is only recently that the understanding dawned that she meant everything, however challenging.

A few months ago, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We were reassured that there was a good chance it would be cured with radiotherapy. However, further tests revealed that it had possibly spread. This proved to be a false alarm. More investigations were made and we were told once again that another organ was possibly affected. Again, it was a false alarm. Whilst waiting for these results the radiotherapy was delayed. The time arrived for the treatment to start. Another health issue arose and it was postponed once again.

During this period, anxiety was a constant companion. Initially, the precious energy was often wasted trying to keep very busy or playing out scenes in my head of possible future outcomes. Of course, this only increased the anxiety. So back to the wholehearted bowing as instructed by Ven. Myokyo-ni. Wholeheartedly embracing the churning energy and inviting it to burn me away allowed choiceless awareness to open. It was then possible to be at one with each changing situation.

In the garden during winter, flocks of pigeons perch on the bare branches of the trees. Heads tucked into their breasts, they sit perfectly still, at one with the trees and the biting wind.

The following story reveals the necessary self-abandonment for such communion. There was once a well-respected King who ruled his subjects wisely. He was also an enlightened master. One day, one of his subjects asked permission to study with him. The King instructed the man to place a pot of hot oil on his head. He then told him to walk through every room of the palace without spilling a drop of oil. Carefully the man followed the King’s instructions. When he had walked through the palace, he reported back to the King. The King asked him, “Now please tell me what was going on in the palace whilst you were walking? Did you hear any political intrigues or assassination plots?” The man replied that he was too concentrated on not spilling the oil to notice anything else. The King said, “Well, put the oil back on your head. Walk through the palace again and then tell me what is going on!”

When we wholeheartedly give ourselves away like the man was instructed to carry the oil, the boundless energy of choiceless awareness tirelessly sees and responds to all. Compassion flows.

The sadhu in the following story displays such compassion. One day, a sadhu went to market. Whilst he was absent his hut caught fire. His neighbours did their best to salvage a few of his possessions. When the sadhu returned, he saw they were pouring water over the flames. The sadhu immediately threw the possessions that had been rescued into the fire. The neighbours stared in disbelief. It then started to rain. The sadhu picked up a bucket of water and began to put it over the flames. The neighbours shouted, “What are you doing?” The sadhu replied, “When the fire comes, I welcome and assist it. When the rain comes, I welcome and assist it.”

George Eliot, in her novel Adam Bede, wrote:

“Be thankful that our sorrow lives in us as an indestructible force only changing its form… passing from pain into sympathy.”